When You're Gone
by writer-in-newyork
Summary: Derek is gone. A car accident took his life. Or so she thinks. What happens when Meredith thinks she's living the days following Derek's death? It's a happy ending, I promise! Probably just a one shot, maybe multi-chapter if it's well liked. (Title has nothing to do with 'When You're Gone' by Avril Lavigne)
1. Chapter 1

**I am working on new chapters for every story other then Be With You, which is on hiatus. I'm thinking this one is just a one shot, but if you guys want more chapters I'll continue this story once 2 of the other multi-chapter stories are done.**

 **It's a good ending, promise.**

The mound of dirt that sat in front of her made it real. People around her were leaving, ready to gather around the dream house for a luncheon after the service. She faintly felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to find Alex standing next to her. Maggie had taken Zola and Bailey to the car so Meredith could have a few minutes to herself. She had, after all, just buried her husband.

Meredith leaned into Alex. Alex who in the past months had become her person when Cristina left and Derek started is brain mapping project in DC. He helped her come around to the idea of Maggie; stuck by her and listened to her rant when she and Derek were fighting; took care of her kids when she had to work late and Derek was across the country; held her hand the past few weeks in the aftermath of Derek's accident.

"He's gone," Meredith whispered as Alex wrapped his arm around her in a way of comfort. As much has he despised Derek for his recent actions toward Meredith, Alex was unable to believe that Derek was actually gone and not coming back. And he was going to miss the main the interns once dubbed McDreamy.

He felt the dampness on his shirt before he heard her sniffles. Meredith Grey hardly ever cried, so Alex was almost at a loss of what to do. He never felt the loss of a spouse, Cristina was always around when Meredith was in the dark and twisties. So he did the only thing he could think of.

"I know."

"He won't get to see the kids grow up. My kids won't have a father to look up to."

"I know," he whispered softer this time than he had before.

Meredith pulled away and wiped underneath her eyes, a way of pulling herself together. "We need to get back to the house. Everyone else is probably there already."

Meredith sat on her couch as people conversed around her. Here and there she would hear his name. She looked on the table and saw the pamphlet that were distributed at the funeral. Everything around her faded away as she was lost in her memories.

 _She knew when she saw the flashing lights that something wasn't right. He hadn't answered any of her calls and he had missed his meeting in DC, something Derek never would have done. The knock on the door came before she could comprehend anything else._

 _Two police officers were at her house. She knew it was bad before they began talking._

 _They wanted her to go with them. But she had the kids who were asleep in their rooms. She had to go, though._

 _She and the kids were taken to Dillard Medical Center, a hospital on the outskirts of Seattle. She didn't like the look of the place. It was far too small to handle anything that would even resemble a trauma case. Meredith remembered the hospital she and Alex had to go to during a rain storm in order to pick up and transport a premature newborn to Seattle Grace Mercy West a few years ago—back when she and Derek were in the midst of a fight over the trial and losing Zola. She remembered when she fell unconscious for a few minutes when she hit her head on the incubator when the ambulance they were in was hit on the side of the road. Was Dillard like that unequipped hospital? Were they unprepared for certain cases? She hated the thought of that._

 _She entered the hospital with Zola holding her hand and Bailey in the stroller. A social worker was already waiting for their arrival so Meredith could be with Derek. Doctor Blake had welcomed her to Derek's room._

 _Her husband didn't look like her husband at all. Wires and tubes connected him to multiple machines. The tube down his throat was breathing for him. His face was beaten and battered. A surgical wrap was around his head._

 _They attempted surgery. They attempted surgery and failed. Because of them, her husband was…she couldn't fathom the thought._

 _Meredith had demanded the see his chart and X-ray results. She wondered where the head CT was._

 _They didn't do a head CT. It wasn't in their interest to do what was best for the patient; they did what they wanted to do without thinking of the consequences of their actions. Fake surgeons is what they will always be to Meredith._

 _Doctor Blake continued telling Meredith all that had happened._

 _Blake didn't seem so bad, she fought for a CT. But obviously she hadn't fought hard enough._

 _Meredith laughed cynically, ironically. Derek Shepard is just about brain dead. A brain surgeon is dying from a brain injury. Meredith couldn't believe the events that had unfolded._

 _It was time, though. Time to make the phone calls that would ruin everyone's day. She mentally made a list._

 _Amelia._

 _Carolyn._

 _Kathleen._

 _Nancy._

 _Liz._

 _They were the most important people on her list right now. She couldn't pull the plug until they all had the chance to see Derek one last time._

 _The calls were hell. The Shepard sisters and Carolyn were on the next flight out of New York and, in Nancy's case, Connecticut. Amelia was getting a rid from Maggie, seeing she was in no condition to drive._

 _Her kids were next. She didn't want to scar them, but she wanted them to be able to see Derek one last time._

 _Meredith walked out of the room and over to the waiting area where her kids were playing together while the social worker watched over them._

 _She crouched down next to them and did her best not to cry._

 _"_ _Is Daddy okay?" Zola's sweet innocent voice asked._

 _"_ _No, sweetie. Daddy isn't okay. And I don't think he'll be getting any better. So, I want you guys to go in and see him for a little bit, okay? Aunt Maggie will be here soon and play with you two."_

 _"_ _Is Daddy dying?"_

 _"_ _Yes, Zola. Daddy is dying. He was helping people in a car accident and had an accident of his own."_

 _Zola stood back from Meredith and looked at her. "Go fix 'em then, Momma."_

 _"_ _I can't fix him, honey. Nobody can. Believe me, if I could fix him, I would. But for now, why don't we go see Daddy?"_

 _It was hard on Meredith, seeing her kids saying goodbye to their father. But she also knew that if she hadn't allowed them to do so, she would never be able to live with herself."_

 _The next day was the day she would pull the plug. As much as she didn't want to. He was suffering, and she didn't want him to suffer any longer. The Shepard clan had agreed. So once Meredith signed the papers, she placed a hand on Derek and called out to him for the last time._

 _"_ _Derek," it was soft the first time. "Derek," her voice was a bit stronger, but still unsteady. "It's okay. You go. We'll be okay."_

 _Hours went by before anything began happening. But when it did, Meredith let her tears fall. She had welcomed Amelia and Carolyn in the room with her as they were the closest to Derek. Carolyn declined, she felt it was something personal between husband and wife, but Amelia had stayed knowing that Meredith would need somebody to lean onto._

 _Machines began to go off. The heart monitor began to beep…_

Her eyes opened slowly. The first thing she registered was the antiseptic smell of a hospital. Then the pain had kicked in. She looked in the room around her and took note of the wires connected to her. Looking down, a majority of her baby bump was gone. And then she remembered.

She had fell down after slipping on the stairs. Her water broke shortly after, causing her to go into labor during a superstorm. Electricity was lost, her baby showed facial presentation therefore calling for a c-section. She didn't want to, but it was what was best for her son. And she remembered the blood coming out of her IV, and shortly falling unconscious while her interns worked on her splenic bleed after attempting to close her c-section up.

She thought she was going to die and never meet her unborn child. That she was going to leave both of her children motherless. She sighed in relief when she realized that that hadn't happened.

Meredith questioned if Shane had actually pulled of the surgery himself. He probably didn't because she faintly remembers him telling Brooks to go get help.

She looked at the monitor that tracked her heart rhythm. It was a little high, but she had a feeling that it was due to that nightmare she just had.

Derek walked in the room with the baby and smiled when he saw her awake. But his smile turned to a frown when he saw the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Meredith? What's wrong?"

Meredith took a deep breath before she went into great detail of her nightmare. "Please don't ever leave me like that. Promise me you won't leave us to go work in Washington DC. I don't think I can handle actually living through that nightmare I just had."

"Meredith, it was probably just the anesthesia and its effects. But I promise you, I am never leaving you, or the kids. As long as you promise not to pull anything like you did in surgery. Bailey scared the hell out of me when she came out of surgery crying." When Meredith looked at Derek confused, he went on to explain how Bailey's first surgery back was a surgery that saved Meredith.

Meredith looked thoughtful for a minute. They went into the operating room not knowing what to name their son, but after her nightmare and Bailey's work to save her, Meredith knew what they were going to name their son.

"How do you feel about the name Bailey? Derek Bailey Shepard. But we'll call him Bailey."

"Derek Bailey Shepard. We just named our son."

 **OKAY so, I cried while I wrote this even though I knew how it was going to turn out. I don't know, there's just something about the whole season 11, Derek dying thing that makes me cry. Anyway, I'm working on new chapters for the other stories, so look out for those.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Patsy: Just saw your latest review and realized that I completely forgot about making this a multi-chap!**

 **I am super sorry for the long wait on all of my stories, life has been quite hectic for me these last two years between family issues/emergencies and focusing on school work. But, alas, Patsy has reminded me of this story and I am currently working on chapters for When You're Gone, Blindsided, and my most recent story Ties That Bind.**

The hours following Bailey's birth were those of greetings and well-wishes. A majority of their friends had come to meet the newest Shepherd, but there was one person Meredith wanted to see the most. She was holding her son while Derek returned Zola to daycare when she walked in.

Miranda Bailey watched her intern cradle her son. Meredith Grey had certainly given her quite a few gray hairs in the six years she had known her. The sight before her made her smile as she knocked on the door. Meredith looked up and smiled at her mentor.

"I hear we have another Derek Shepherd in the world," Bailey claimed as she walked into the room. Everyone that had met the baby had yet to know his middle name, for the fact that Meredith wanted Bailey to find out from herself rather than hospital gossip.

Meredith smiled as she offered the newborn to the woman standing at her bedside. "Actually, we're going to call him by his middle name…Bailey."

The shorter woman looked up at Meredith thinking she wanted to say something to her. "What is it, Grey?"

Meredith chuckled before answering. "His middle name; it's Bailey. If it weren't for you, I would have died back in my intern year. And this today you saved my ass again. It's only right for him to be named after the person who had such an impact on his parents' lives. Not only did you save my life, but you mentored me and helped me be a better surgeon; you helped me become a mother; helped Derek do Zola's hair when we first got her; you were the second person to feel him kick—right before you informed me that I wasn't losing him," Meredith said with a smile.

Uncharacteristically, Miranda Bailey had tears in her eyes. The last time she had been this emotional was when she heard about the plane crash, and Adele's death a few months back. "Meredith Grey, you surprise me more and more everyday." Miranda Bailey had a smile on her face when she looked down at the infant in her arms. Even being just a few hours old, he resembled his mother so much more than his father. "Thank God he doesn't have that McDreamy hair," she added to lighten the emotional mood in the room.

"I know, it's bad enough that Zola picked up on his charm. One flash of the right smile and she gets what she wants," as Meredith finished saying that, Derek returned to the room and smiled at Miranda holding his son. He made his way over to his wife and placed a hand on her shoulder, smiling down at her.

"Did you tell her everything?"

Meredith shook her head. "I wanted to wait for you. I told her why he was named after her, but not the other thing. You tell her."

Derek turned his attention to Miranda. "Doctor Bailey…" he tried to get his attention but she was too focused on the baby, at least he thought.

"Shh…we're having some Bailey time."

"But we wanted to ask you something. We think you'll like it…" Derek tried enticing her.

Finally, she looked up and saw the glimmer on both of their faces. Parenthood looked good on them, especially Meredith, she had never seen that girl light up so much since the day she met her. "Well, what is it?"

"If you accept, we would like you to be his godmother. Zola has Cristina and she had Mark. We want Bailey to have you and Alex."

Miranda smiled for the umpteenth time that day. "You Shepherd's really know how to make a woman cry," she said as her eyes began watering. Just then, her pager went off. She passed her namesake to his father before wishing the two new parents a good luck with the promise of seeing them later.

Later that night, Derek had went to check on Zola and Cristina was in Derek's place. "So you named your son after her _and_ asked her to be his godmother. What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Cristina, you don't even like kids," Meredith said was a small laugh. "I had to beg you to be Zola's godmother. Besides, doesn't it only seem right considering everything Bailey has done for both me and Derek?"

"Okay, but isn't it going to get confusing? What if you say, oh I don't know…'Bailey needs a diaper change?' when both of them are in the same room."

Meredith stared at her person before answering. "I'm pretty sure everyone will know I'm talking about the baby. Last time I checked, Doctor Bailey was potty trained."

Cristina rolled her eyes but gave a small chuckle. "Fine, fine, you and McDreamy win." She looked at her person who was smiling. "I miss tequila Meredith. Mommy Meredith is weird."

"Cristina!" Meredith said in a mock-scolding way. Cristina shrugged as she laugh with Meredith. Changing the subject, Meredith asked, "so, how is everything going out there?"

"You know, the usual superstorm activity. Avery jumped in a bus that was about to explode—we thought he was a goner for a minute; Webber found the maintenance man electrocuted in the basement…Webber is fine, but the other guy not so much. Robbins and evil spawn are setting parents up with manual ventilators for when the batteries run on their baby's vent. And when Derek isn't with Zola, Torres is keeping both her and Sofia occupied."

"Interesting events out there," Meredith commented. "How is Shane? Last I saw of him was when he was trying to close my uterus up."

"You scared the hell out of him, so he's been sitting making paper charts for patients." As she finished, Derek returned with Zola in his arms. "Hi Zozo!" Cristina said to the girl.

"Bay!" Zola said as she pointed to the portable crib her brother was sleeping in. Cristina nodded her head before talking more with the child. She bid farewell to the Shepherds leaving the family of four alone.

Zola was placed on the bed with Meredith, given the warning to be gentle with her mother while Derek handed Meredith the baby. He took out his phone and took a picture of the three people he loved the most, aside from his mother and sisters. He thought back to the nightmare Meredith had told him about and slightly shuddered. He couldn't imagine ever leaving his family for a job.


End file.
